Nature vs Nurture

by Aescer

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about

Nature vs Nurture is Aescer's second full length studio album. It tells a story of the albums narrator and his relationships over a period of time with a promiscuous female nicknamed Butterflies and how she provokes emotions linked to past relationships and past events. She introduces the narrator to a world or natural desire rather than the societal norms that we are nurtured to follow. Despite the voices heard on the album the songs are told in retrospect and we never hear the voice of Butterflies.

The album sees Aescer trying to push he's boundaries musically both in reducing things down to their basic elements (such as Black Dress) and pushing the electronic side of the album (Alive by Analysis). The piano plays a much bigger role in the album, closing the concept with Cri de Coeur, a track which almost exists outside the bookends of the story and takes a step into the real world.

credits

released October 26, 2014

Music Written, Recorded and Produced by Aescer
Assistant Production and Mastering by Imrae
Backing Vocals by Eloise Kerry
Violoncello: Christine Avis, engineered by Aescer
Trumpet: Stephanie MacDaniel, engineered by Scott Pashley
Recorded at The Lake Studio, Shallow Water Studios
Artwork by Michael Ford

With thanks to Hayley Watson, Adam Jackson, Mhairi Jackson,
Esther De La Ford, Rob Rideout, Daniel Walters, Anna Novero, Leonie Isdell, Abigail Taylor, Sophie Vickers, Sophia Taylor, Eve White, Gina Self, Ellen Sowerbutts and all Friends and Family.

Released 26 October2014
Shallow Water Records SWR0011
Album length 65 minutes

all material is owned © by Michael Ford at Shallow Water Music,
Including but not limited to all Music, Lyrics and Artwork. MMXIV

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about

Aescer Huddersfield, UK

Aescer is a north based upcoming artist and producer. Heavily influenced by Tori Amos, Aescer is mainly a pianist writing songs ranging from gentle acoustic piano tones, through acoustic and electric guitar, to incredibly sequenced digital tracks. Though his music is incredibly varies Aescer maintains a continuous style throughout tracks. Lyrically he tackles issues of mental health and sexuality. ... more

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Track Name: Force of Nature
Awe my poor baby, let's see if I can find a way to make you feel better.
Track Name: Tabula Rasa
Turn your heart around, I'll take you by the hand.
Use me for the answers you know I don't have.
Burn your heart alone like water from a stone.
Work me hard and feel my tomb.

I will burn you up.

Turn your waist and see how we can still be free.
Would you rip his throat out for me when we
Turn back time an hour? You and I are going to kill this.
Tear my heart and our lives will all be free.

I think this is true.
Don't you?
Track Name: The Thistle & the Thorn
You could lead the way and I would follow you
To the stars you placed in my soul.
You taught be to fear, you gave me my tears
Now so long ago, you gave me the

Hope that I would have lost had you not come
To show me my heart, you saved my life.
I wish I could pay for all the mistakes.
When I ran away you saved my life.

Now that I look back I know that you weren't OK
Day after day and I should have known
As I held you tight with you struggling to breathe.
I'll stay with you all night and give you the

Hope that I would have lost had you not come
To show me my heart, you saved my life.
I wish I could pay for all the mistakes.
When I ran away you saved my life.
I wish I could pay for all of the pain
That I put you through, it's long overdue.

And I know you cared for me, before you fell away from me,
Now we're far apart I know you're better off without me.

Hope that I would have lost had you not come
To show me my heart, you saved my life.
I wish I could pay for all the mistakes.
When I ran away you saved my life...
(hope) That I would have lost had you not come
To show me my heart, you saved my life.
I wish I could pay for all of the pain.
Day after day you saved my life.
Track Name: Alive by Analysis
Hello my innocence, how nice to find you.
I wish I could trust you and not have to hide you.
I'll mould you and mind you; don't want to despise you
I'm alive by analysis of all that decides you.
I never thought I was afraid till I met you,
And now do I fear you or just want to be you?
I never thought I was insane till I felt you
But now that I've seen you run hands down her spine I will

Hold on to all my
Childish dreams, my hopes and my fears and I'll
Hold on, yes I'll hold on and
I'll find you watching, and I'll find you waiting
I held your hand whenever you asked me
So please turn your back now it's your turn to help me.
But who's going to find me and who's going to wake me?
And who's going to be me to those that still need me?

Oh and I need you to love me and I need you to show me.
Please don't break my ideals; I won't come when you call.

Something's escaped and it's lose in my head
And I wish I could blot out the words that it said.
I'm too tired to fight and I'm too weak to care
As my lips start to believing there's no more despair
And now pills are not working, no, pills must be broken
And here I am thinking of all that was spoken
And so responsibility makes slaves of us all
As cowards to our dark desires cause us to fall

I love it in hell 'cos I know I belong
Now that I know I've been here all along.
And nothing can stop me 'cos everything's gone
And no one can hurt me 'cos I know they're all wrong.
I'm trying to hide that I'm broken inside
But my temples are screaming; this pain won't subside.
I'm spiralling down through my own loss of mind.
But this voice in my head that is leading me blind.
Track Name: Lilith
Daylight breaks on the scene, a stage
Where everything's set for the night before
And all is quiet and serene.
I couldn't remember so I believed such horrific thoughts
That I would raise my hand to you,
I didn't know what I should do.

And so the power went to you with me on my knees
The way that you could torture me
And think that you're releasing me.
Yet still you said we were still alive behind all these lies;
But for every single word you've said
The truth's in your heart, your lover is dead.

Shivering uncontrollably all alone with your words in my head.
I screamed at my paranoia in the dark
But no sound came from my throat.
A life line smiling up at me from the stone of the bathroom sink
I hope that you're still afraid to die
If I've stolen that, that's my biggest crime

But the truth will rarely stay hidden in the depths of time
Had you forgotten what you had said
Before you got this in your head.
Now thanks to them I can see my real sin.
The sin was not that you had bled
The sin was letting you in my bed

Butterflies light up my dreams, a stage
Where you have always been an actor
But now it's your chance to play the lead.
Just make sure you know what it is you are doing to me, behind all these lies.
Plant your seeds in this plot and let them grow;
Let us see where our story goes.

Cos I would never take away your voice
But for every single word you've said
The truth's in your heart, your lover is dead.
Track Name: Black Dress
Do you remember when I came through your door and you were wearing that silk black dress?
A fallen angel was all that I saw, waiting to feel my breath on her chest.

The walls were hard as stone, the sheets were filled with the blood of
Secret memories I shouldn't see of the tears in the skin.

Do you remember when I came through your door and you were wearing that silk black dress?
The walls and tables were witness to our love and I'll never know what it all meant.

Do you remember songs about the way we'd sing and dance beneath the moonlight?
No, nor do I but hey let's try.
Tonight we can pretend that I could give you all that you have ever dreamed of.
Was it just like you imagined?

As I starve myself of sleep and hope that you might save me.
For fifteen hundred days you were still there beside me

And I might wake you when I have had my nightmares
And the voice is screaming till I've turned so cold.

And I can't blame you for how I am now, lost.
But you would hate if you could see me now when I am
Dead inside and all hope seems lost and you weren't there.

And I'm afraid here, yes I'm afraid

Every hour alone I think of me inside you.
Come and take control, I'll give myself to you

And I don't blame you for how I am now, lost.
But you would hate if you could see me now when I am
Dead inside and all hope seems lost and you weren't there.

Drinking to forget or drinking to remember
I can't see the end but just the last contender
If you're there talk to me, where is everybody?
Give me strength, I might fight if I lose my past.

Do you remember when I came through your door and you were wearing that silk black dress?
These walls are talking to me in my sleep, telling me I've lost.
Track Name: The Centurion
Oh my centurion what have you seen
In the depths of my kingdom that you can't tell me?
I have followed you for all my life, have you lost your way?
Maybe today just isn't your day.
But as long as I remember I've been running from him.
Maybe not tonight.

One day I will find the answers and then I'll be free from myself
You see I'll never touch that trigger, so you must shoot me yourself.
I'll dedicate a song to you...

Oh my centurion what have you found
In the depths of my kingdom that I can't understand?
I wish I'd found a purpose instead of living a dream
Because when I look in that memory I am not what I see.
So please take all my lovers, put a gun to their heads
Because then I'll grab the killer and he'll shoot me instead.
I know I wish I was a saviour and I won't let you die.
If true love exists I'll fight.

One day I will find the answers and then I'll be invincible.
You see I'm not suicidal but I'm ready to die.
I'll show my friends I love them, then leave this world with no goodbyes
No I'm not suicidal but I wish I were dead
As this kingdom grows colder in my head!

Oh my centurion what have you done in the depths of my kingdom (have you had fun)?
Track Name: Self Destruct
Poisonous air is filling my lungs as I look at you through all the fruit flavoured smoke
And I'll preach to my world that it's all alright 'cos I know in my heart that it should be!
Yet I'm afraid to be drawn in by all I've become.
I'm watching as butterflies dance on reflections of broken affections between you and me.
But the sight of your smile makes me feel that I might still be human.

And I want to see you tied, bound and gagged on the bed.
Writhing in pleasure and pain as bruises form on your face.
Is this bliss that we're seeking? Is this all that there is in this life,
And I ask myself could there be more?

Should I have lied, should I have cried?
Should I have tried to feel more alive?
Should i have opened my heart and my mind
Now I realise it's time to self destruct.

Hold me! Pull me back now as my fingers curl around his neck.
Is this a dream? How do you see me?
Is this some new trick of life's cryptic fantasies?
Pour me another, I'll race you to heaven.
I never thought I'd see the end of this bottle!

Should I have lied, should I have cried?
Should I have tried to feel more alive?
I need to feel your body against mine
Now I'm dead inside! There's death in my eyes.
Should I have lied, should I have cried?
Why can't I open my heart and my mind?
Why won't you make me feel more alive
Now I realise it's time to self destruct.

I wish I could sleep, but my pills have stopped working.
I'm not bleeding instead,
Feeling smoke in my head,
Feel the ash in my face
As the minutes turn to hours, the light starts to fade
But the colours explode in beauty around your face.

Should I have lied, should I have cried?
Should I have tried to feel more alive?
Now I need to feel your body with mine!
Am I dead inside? Is it time to self destruct?
Track Name: Pets
Come to me little girl, are you afraid? Don't be scared.
Don't be nervous, I won't hurt you. I would only like to hold you.
Let me put my arms around you, make the monsters go away.
But in the heat of the moment I might lose myself again,
Open wide and let me in. Put my fingers on your moonlight skin.

You have nothing to fear from me I can give you all the tension and
All the pain and all the pleasure that I know you get from others.
But I'm not another sin; not a devil in your daddies skin.

But I, I'm your sanctuary and I am here to guide you far away.

Yes we are all so very damaged to our core
But I still think I can fly across the clouds on broken wings
Stay afloat on serotonin and watch the world pass me by
Track Name: Masochist
You can ring me all you like but I won't pick up the phone
I know I said that I would stay but that was yesterday
And now you have pushed me to my knees and I can't take you anymore.
I know you are afraid but I did just what you said.
It's not my fault that you were torn and now our writing's on the wall.

Yes I tortured you I know through irresponsibility,
But I loved you like the rest and I wish that you could see
For a while you were mine, though we never would be fine.
It was such a bad day but for a while I could say
That we could ignore the pain and it felt like we were sane.

And I'm sorry, so sorry for everything. I won't lie to you.
I'm sorry for everything. I won't lie to you.

You were never going to be just a simple masochist
And I wish that I had seen all the bruises on your fist.
Boiling water under tables, what a mess but I was there
Watching you, helping you
I hope you see it's true I never meant to damage you.

I'd like to help you once again
I'd like to help you to stay sane
But it will never be the same.
Track Name: Butterflies
Would you help me? I feel so lost and broken.
Some wounds only heal from words never spoken.
It's almost impossible to describe my disposition,
Your presence reassures and calms my elation.
I thought of you again last night, the way we'd be tucked in.
The way we would stay close and keep each other warm; apart.

I would throw everything I have at your feet,
And watch as every step would make our eyes meet.
Walk with elegance, with your hand out stretched;
But as I try to reach you you seem to turn your head.
How can I make you love me again?
Would you let me hold you in my arms again tonight?

I just want you to love me again, come to me again tonight. Love me!

Sitting down to right my wrongs, I feel my heart fail.
But I feel so much stronger with your winds in my sails.
We'll watch, with innocence, the waves crash over.
And then, maybe one day, I can watch as my faults burn.
& I won't deny I want to feel you inside,
But I'll hold you innocent from all desires.

I just need to feel your body through these sheets,
Curled up close against me, away from dirty streets.
How can I feel afraid to die
With butterflies reflected in your eyes.
Track Name: Coloured Lights
Coloured lights are drowning all my senses,
Adrenaline pumps but I am not afraid.
Believe me when I tell you that there's something left to fight for,
I wish I could believe what I just said.

Hold on to your demons, they will see you through

I can not explain this situation
No word need ever pass your lips,
Maybe in reality I've never loved a single thing
But hope can still remain for me whilst you drive me insane.

You'll never know how much you've hurt me
'Cos I'm never going to tell you
'Cos I never want to see you lose that smile because of me.
But it's never going to be us
Every night something's between us
But I hope you know last night you made me feel alive again.

Paranoia's watching through the window
Reflecting eyes upon the pane of glass.
The touch of skin on finger tips, like water splashing through my lips
Every time you're haunting me I feel like I can't breath

You'll never know how much you've hurt me
'Cos I'm never going to tell you
'Cos I never want to see you lose that smile because of me.
But it's never going to be us
Every night something's between us
But I hope you know last night you made me feel alive again.

I am at your mercy nothing else is true.
I can feel your heart beat, but what I feel is you.

I can still believe that there is laughter
I can still believe there will be pain.

You'll never know how much you've hurt me
'Cos I'm never going to tell you
'Cos I never want to see you lose that smile because of me.
But it's never going to be us
Every night something's between us
But I hope you know last night you made me feel alive again.
Track Name: Naked
Can you see what it means? Can you help me dispel all my fears?
I am cold, oh so cold, lying naked at the mercy of my dreams.

But I understand as the years slip through my hands.

And I would like you to know I stood by every promise I told.
I know my life is not blameless but demons will plague us all till we're sold.

But I saw you hearts, saw your faces in my sleep.
But I can feel pain, I lied to make this easier.

And now I realise each day you will wake up and find another one has gone.
For every dedication; every promise you make the meaning fades to nothing and the memory is lost.

But I see as I search for a reason and find none, I know now
That through this thick disguise I'm nothing more than a slave here
To my responsibilities and my lust.

But I can be free, will be free.
Track Name: Cri de Coeur
There's no one watching me, there's nobody near.
If I were to lose myself how long would I be here?
Under the right light you can still see all the words
Carved in my arm (armour) and I don't care.

I keep finding hours that were lost sometime last week
I keep finding embers but can't light the flame
It's all that I've known and I can't let them cure me
Until everyday feels exactly the same.

I'm going to cut and I'm going to bleed
I'm going to do everything that I need.
There's blood on my sheets and there's drugs in my drink.
Would you please come and heal all the screams in my skin?

All the I know is that I need an answer
All that I want is to know my own name!
It's everything I used to do, it's everything I've done.
It's everything I used to be, it's all I've become.

I'm still the same but I've lost all control,
I'm no more the master but now just the slave.
I'll never know, have I always been like this?
No nature nor nurture will make me feel safe.